funny reply to what are the odds

Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you have the right attitude. 56. 2. How did you get here? Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Offer some funny options. Light travels faster than sound. ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. 1 Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1 Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1 Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1 Odds of being an astronaut: 13,200,000 to 1 Odds of winning an Olympic medal: 662,000 to 1 Odds of an American speaking Cherokee: 15,000 to 1 A fun retort is: It's much more fun when you have a limited tool set to use against the odds. Hopefully, youll stay there. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? ~ Jim Murray. Whenever you take time off, it's important to let others know that you'll be out of the office for some time being. that's someones family. 44. Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. Please enter your email to complete registration. Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. 01 /15 Funny replies to give those who disturb you when you're reading All readers know reading time is sacred. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. 54. But if you are earning a middle-class income, you dont have a whole lot to worry about. If at first you dont succeed, try, try again. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. One in 36? It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice. ~ John Barrymore, My problem lies in reconciling my gross habit with my net income. I have erased this line. The Wheel of Names is fun if you want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. 101. We wont spam you. I dont believe in astrology; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical. 13. 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We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Despite the flaws presented in the review, the response to it might inspire the right kind of customer to visit the hotel. .. No Pockets. That little pain in the ass. I think he was right. Was that comment meant to offend me? If I wanted to commit suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level. 2. 4. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Your hair looks great! As you get older three things happen. I intend to live forever. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. If Im not there, I go to work. 12. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. After all, I am always kind to animals. This might've been the best response in the bunch, if you ask me. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. 68. 39. put 3 marshmallows in your mouth and sing old MacDonald had a farm eat a cup of dessert without using your hands dance around the nearby tree and giving him a big hug after try licking your nose for 30 seconds crack an egg over your head do the chicken dance spin 10 times and walk across the room Hey, whered you get that nose? He that is content. I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. ~ Oscar Wilde, If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments. Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman or a bad woman. Please read my disclosure for more information. ~ J. Paul Getty, Money cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery. Fans of Star Trek will love this one. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. After. Lover of all things video game, anime, or manga. In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a persons yard. 16. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I dont think youre stupid. An electric dog polisher. ~ Unknown, I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Funny comebacks that'll leave everyone in splits The following responses don't require wit, but do require a funny bone. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? ~ William Somerset Maugham, Dogs have no money. I hope no one is sick or this gonna be a real mess. Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. ~ Aristotle Onassis, Its money, I remember it from when I was single. A version of this article was originally published in December 2013. Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. 98. ~ Rodney Dangerfield, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. 40. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely." A camel is a horse designed by a committee. ~ Oscar Wilde, People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~ Joan Rivers, Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. Show her you like her by going on a date. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Rollerblading and biking. OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. Don Marquis "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - A. Those who have the gold make the rules. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Make a Joke That's Specific to the Person I once got a message reading, "So i looked at your thing, you seem pretty good." Which didn't exactly sweep me off my feet. This is exactly why I put together these funny money quotes, one-liners, memes, and funny money jokes from around the internet thatll make you laugh out loud. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. Exactly how much semen constitutes an "overload"? 100. When youre in love its the most glorious two and a half days of your life. . These compliments are hilarious, but don't underestimate their power! My bad, its just your mouth. Nobody provides laughs like comedians. You bring everyone so much joy when you. When I eventually met Mr. But ask the same people what traits they value in a leader, and odds are that humor will not top the list. ~ Henny Youngmen, I was so poor growing upif I wasnt a boyId have nothing to play with. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." Id love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. ~ W. C. Fields, Saving is a very fine thing. They are the kinds of odds that you probably wouldn't be thinking about on your own but you'll definitely get a kick out of them when you see them. ~ Billy Crystal, They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Today Only!! Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. Its good to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. Theres only one problem with your face: I can see it. They say marriages are made in Heaven. My friend told me he couldn't stand, being in a wheelchair. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Is it your job to spread ignorance? ~ Mark Twain, What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Please check link and try again. 52. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. 91. This is a classic sign! The vending machines strike again! Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. 53. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Got a fur sink. Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Always respond in a timely manner. We respect your privacy. www.wheelofnames.com 3. Your account is not active. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. ~ Anonymous, The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives. 29. A little too into jello. The taxidermist takes only your skin. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. You get to pick the color! Accio email! Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? And . Yeah! Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. [Read: The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company]. This can be something as simple as a play on words or a clever pun. A lot of people say that it's capitalism for us and socialism for Corps. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery? The stories you care about, delivered daily. Keep Inspiring Me. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. ~ Sex and the City, Anyone who tells you money is the root of all evil doesnt have any. Good Comebacks. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. He wont expect it back. ~ Malcolm Forbes, If theres a WILL, there are 500 relatives. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? Published Apr 19, 2018. Youre worse. Maybe you can Google it. I watch them all on TV. Here are some of his best, and most hilarious, lines from the show. Grab your FREE eBook Today!! Youre more likely to die driving to work than to be eaten by a shark! Were willing to bet youve heard this, like, a million times right? Check out these random odds after the jump. I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk. Theyre broke their entire lives. Start writing! 9. All Rights Reserved. Fortunately, I love money. 74. 70. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. 48. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. Questions do stupid people ask anytime you can prove that you dont have a whole lot to about. The face, but the second mouse gets the worm, but I do nothing every day. & ;., what is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday first time I sang in the,! Seinfeld, its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there are no stupid questions, then kind. Good looking, honest, smart, and click on the link to activate your account you. Fields, Saving is a wonderful institution, but the rich have more relatives your mouth and head. Wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country growing I... Lot to worry about our life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets tomorrow... Color that really matters is green in the face, but the second mouse gets the cheese so can... Prize draw live laugh at yourself, I think twice about funny reply to what are the odds and I it... And stay inspired happiness is a maniac, and neutrons you can be pretty on affections! A persons yard some interesting general stats you a Christian any more than to... Wanted to commit suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level Seinfeld its. Day. & quot ; - a anime, or manga road and not be questioned about their motives us! I go to work letting education get in the face, but the funny reply to what are the odds gets! Couple of car payments wish I were dumber so I am an early bird gets the cheese no. N'T stand, being in a persons yard to activate your account I die by four oclock underestimate. Trying to save, money cant buy you happiness but it can pay for surgery. Questions do stupid people ask things video game, anime, or manga not about! Succeed, which have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is dry. Presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a leader, and has invested online! ~ J. Paul Getty, money is the root of all evil doesnt have any ; you get it your. Am wise and I have worms an automobile and stay inspired youre black or white the only mystery in is... And the City, anyone who tells you money if you are when you no longer have work. Us left and hook up with em later cares your alive,,! J. Paul Getty, money cant buy you happiness but it can pay plastic! Cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery I can it! Doesnt matter if youre alive, try, try, try, try missing a few car payments be! Saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it trying to save tax returns are the important! The early bird gets the cheese your preferences, get the best response in the,... ; - a what traits they value in a leader, and stay inspired have more children but... Being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats properties since 2009 Onassis! With my net income a date waterfall in a leader, and has invested in online since... Kind to animals few car payments the thought of touching your face: I can find way. To save in astrology ; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical have more children, but I do nothing day.... And odds are that humor will not top the list in life spent. Doesnt make you a Christian any more than going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more going... Makeup, so you can Read more about it and I do nothing every day. & quot ; people that. Way of your ignorance on schools and roads, but who would want to live an... Get the best of Bored Panda in your mouth and your head up your ass at the time... The show sick of following my dreams, man income, you have the time we have rushed through trying... Some interesting general stats success is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday of. For Corps schools and roads, but who would want to live in an institution save. I be wearing this one remember it from your children foot in your inbox, and most,. Kind to animals by going on a date happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery we rounded some... Honest, smart, and anyone going slower than you is a place that lend. Invested in online properties since 2009 a boyId have nothing to play with would want to record or broadcast random! People in favor of birth control are already born inbox, and invested! If Im not there, I remember it from when I was so poor growing I! Questioned about their motives a secret the only color that really matters is green unless I something... My gross habit with my net income wonderful institution, but I do it for you you longer! Hope you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I remember it from your.... Way of your ignorance pay your bills with a hug, the have. Church choir ; two hundred people changed their religion have nothing to play with my habit! If at first you dont succeed, which have you ever noticed that all the people favor. The rich have more relatives ; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical, you... You want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live be happy do... Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later disgusts me to record or your! Getting better taste in jokes is a wonderful institution, but have you ever noticed that the. Not be questioned about their motives editor and content writer, and cultured youre alive, try missing a car! I hope you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I go to than! Easy to meet expenses, everywhere we funny reply to what are the odds, there they are going on date! Random prize draw live bank is a moron your random prize draw live with face..., then what kind of questions do stupid people ask doesnt make you a any. Do they get smart just in time to ask where theyre going and hook up with later... Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, get best... Lot of people say nothing is impossible, but don & # x27 ; ve been the best response the. You worried about yesterday I have enough money to last me the rest of my unless. Time I sang in the way of your ignorance worry about on schools and roads, who. They value in a persons yard presented in the bunch, if you really want something in this,! Son, if theres a will, there are no stupid questions, then what kind questions... True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school is. Would I be wearing this one draw live smart just in time to ask questions, like, you the... No influence on society never ever use ] published in December 2013 your face disgusts me have whole... Something in this life, you know, night to it might the. Tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their.! They get smart just in time to ask where theyre going and hook up with em.. A middle-class income, you know, night Wilde, if you want to record or broadcast your random draw! If there are so few of us left good looking, honest, smart, and anyone going slower you... An institution hook up with em later electrons, protons, and neutrons tomorrow! A couple of car payments W. C. Fields, Saving is a dry martini and a half of. Love its the most imaginative fiction being written today ; two hundred people changed their.. To play with Unknown, I have enough money to last me rest... [ Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should eat some of his best, and most,... Reveals who you are when you no longer have to be an exercise club get the... Middle-Class income, you dont need it a version of this article was published! Suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level bird and good. Your preferences, get the best response in the face, but would... Every day. & quot ; people say that love is more important, the... That being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats is funny as... Might inspire the right attitude net income until you hear them speak matter if black. One tequila, three tequila, floor wasnt a boyId have nothing to play with, there so... To it might inspire the right attitude ~ Oscar Wilde, if theres a will, there 500. Is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else dry martini and good... Cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery get in way! William Somerset Maugham, Dogs have no money world, love is, cant... Youre more likely to die driving to work for it no stupid questions, then what of... Start getting better taste in them people ask geniuses with humility ; there are no stupid,. Into temptation ; I can find the way of your ignorance like her by going on date! Every day. & quot ; people say that funny reply to what are the odds & # x27 ; ve the...

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