my husband left me when i needed him most

And you can also earn back their trust by showing them that you can change. If you do, dont say you werent warned: its scary how quickly families can come to accept your exs new partner and that will crush you. We can fall out of Love, which is irrelevant when there is Love, a unification of virtue, for true Love will promote the reemergence of the feelings of being in Love. It takes constant work. It is natural to go through many stages of griefat the end of a relationship. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. Now, your one and only is gone and you're left sitting wondering where everything went wrong and why he left. I found the will to embrace myfeminine power and I made the decision for myself. The entire point of such guidance is that, at times, especially vulnerable times, it is difficult to understand ourselves. One important part of healing will be reclaiming your power. I really struggled with him not being there for me. Thankyou. Your divorce has nothing to do with other peoples character and EVERYTHING to do with the character / commitment or lack thereof of 2 people; you and your ex-husband. They both worked on their relationship. He resisted attempts to go to counseling in the past and has let you know that he has no desire to do so now. A lot of us have gone through this and have made it out of the madness alive, intact and happy. Read this one if he stops paying child support or alimony. That I am dead to him. Not only does this address the issues that are mentioned above, but it also gives you as the spurned wife something to channel your nervous energy into. So dont play the game. We were together for 6 years, married for 2 1/2. A child who demands attention and has tantrums if he does not get it. Its natural to ask those questions but you will probably never know the reason because your partner either (1) doesnt know or (2) cant bear to tell you the truth. He has been physically abusive in the past, but it has been a few years although he threatened physical abuse too. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. I am a good hearted person and I have surrounded myself with a healthy support system, counselor, excercise, I journal to him every day (he doesnt see it) and i end the journal with something positive i did or made me smile. Your best bet is actually counter-intuitive to what you're feeling right now. He seemed fine with leaving. I know he made some mistakes, but that doesnt mean that you have to live with them. How so? If he cheated and or beat you then his character is lacking to say the least. Heres what one woman says about her experience: I drove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. I hope you and I make it to the other side. Some of us initiated our divorce, others were "dumped." Exactly what I needed to read. For me, that would mean approving his bad treatment of me and accepting it from him. Renier ou renoncer pour mieux s'unir dans dans votre vie de couple ! Maybe in time (when you both have new partners/lives) you can reconnect, but in the early stages no. I got to the restaurant later than everyone else and as I greeted . And in the rare event they do, is this the relationship and partner you want? The person your friend has become does not mean I am wrong about who she was! Your kids will love you more now than they ever have because they know youre doing your best to get through this emotional pain. I learned that the choice is always mine and that the hard road is alwaysthe most liberating. Touched my heart. His belongingsand the stuff he brought into the relationshipwere also gone, including our dog, which originally was his. Everything felt new and unfamiliar. This approach comes from a fairly well-known book by the author T.W. I returned to my childhood hobbies that I had put on hold for the sake of the marriage. No matter how much you say you love them, love isnt enough. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. Moreover, whatever lessons were gained were surely not lessons applied to her marriage. He wanted a maid, chauffeur and eventual nanny, not a wife. My husband left me the day after my third chemo treatment. },{ }] He is 30. If leaving a marriage didnt result in regret, remorse, and tears, most of the timewell, no one, including myself, would believe in God or read philosophy! I had many doubts and fears when I initially left him. So remind yourself that your ex had faults. By not fighting, however, you may be able to begin your grieving process, and subsequent healing process, sooner. Read this one when you know it's over. However, I doubt I am wrong about her regrets. We need to go to marriage therapy which he does not want to go to. Our relationship started shortly after we started working together, he was my manager. Or did you make a massive mistake that ended a wonderful relationship for good? Clinical psychologist, writer. He said that over the years we relied too much on each other and have nothing to show for it. I talked to her about life, the human mind, Love, and how emotions can place us onto a path that may seem so right in the moment, but ultimately a path that may not be the best decision. I can very much related to the part about should I try to save the marriage. It is January 01, 2018. I suffer from clinical depression and some days are rough, other days I push myself to be a productive person. Just hard to purchase, because always sold out. It is hard to think about who you are or will become without them but that is one of lifes fascinating little journeys and you just have to embrace the moment and rise above just wanting what you want. . Thank you. He was upset when I told him I wanted the abortion, and I understand that completely. She was sad and bitter; her life was just a budget-cut version of the one shed shared with him. To me, opposed to giving good advice or a testament to what typically occurs post-divorce, this article is more of her attempt to prove to herself that she made the correct choice, overcame, has learned from her experience, and is a better & wiser person today. "The truth is that I would be more gentle, more forgiving, with just about anyone else." Ive been single for almost two years now and I will be for a while longer. But then he agreed that it was the right choice. We lose track of each others emotions. We fell in love, and everything was great. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. 2. I mean putting everything on the table and being totally truthful with a partner. MY HUSBAND LEFT ME WHEN I NEEDED HIM THE MOST!!! My marriage, which I told my husband I wanted to end last March, didn't meet the legal definition of "sexless," which would have qualified me, in some divorce courts, as technically "abandoned.". A choice to end a marriage is not a choice that can be easily remedied if it becomes the wrong choice. Yes, leaving a marriage makes a person vulnerable! At face value, it absolutely appears that way. Of course, this doesn't justify walking out on your marriage. My Husband Left Me! "mainEntity": [{ And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. You. my husband ran out on me when i was ill,so much for sickness and health,i suffer mental illness,and my life is a constant struggle!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your personal strength. My husband of 6 years packed his clothing and left after telling me that we do not have future together after I did not find a career job and was in a car accident. Or, do your Christian values teach you that women are to be subservient? You're likely feeling confused, abandoned, and hopeless, and that's understandable. It is so hard to hear her say that. And over time your idea of what this may be could change but hopefully that will come from a better sense of self as well as a greater understanding of what it was that actually went wrong in the relationship. I have anxiety and panic disorder, which has always effected my life, and socializing with others, but it didn't bother him at first. So be it. Abandonment is a huge issue for many people, and I think it must be a terribly big issue for you. Stay single for a while. If I don't fight for our marriage, I think that will send the message that I don't care, and I care with every fiber of my being. I had appendicitis. When he finally took me up on the leaving part, which was just a day ago, I feel totally lost and so all alone without him and his loud mouth. You have to understand that this is a painful process, and its going to take time. There is likely more truth to my words than you think! Drop me a comment below or message me on Facebook, tweet me, or visit onthecouch.co.nz. My favorite is this one bit.ly/2D9bX36 its not too strong but helps a lot. Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage. TWELVE years. "@type": "Answer", If youre feeling like you want to get over this pain and suffering, the last step you have to take is very important. If youve been through a lot of bad stuff with your husband, you might feel like you want to hold a grudge against him. What's different between now and then? karen@onthecouch.co.nz. You could argue that all long-term relationships lose. "@type": "Answer", Unless you want to make them feel okay about hurting you. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? Others made the choice to narrowly squeak in a welfare check. Im not saying the relationship was never right, sometimes it was very right. Probably so. Dont punish him for this though, because he hasnt done anything wrong. In reading the above, it appears she was truthful with herself, decided she was not happy in her marriage, set off to find happiness (usually a bad idea), and set her husband free to explore the same. I thought our relationship was good. Sign up and Get Listed. He is 30. Additionally, if this was truly a great decision for her life, few life-altering lessons would have been learned in the process. You can choose whether staying connected to him is in your best interests or not. I Think it is important to add that our emotions deceive us, or in other words, our hearts are evil upon adulthood. "@type": "Question", Here, 11 early warning signs divorced people say they should have acted onbut didn't. He didn't care about my feelings. He seems so down and not happy with his life. It sounds like you were ready to leave your husband and were looking for ways out. In my experience, my cheerful yet practical and no-nonsense lawyer was much more helpful than my therapist, so I would say if you have to choose spend on the lawyer and check out some self help books from the . I cant imagine my life with out my best friend, but we are not on the same page communicating among other issues. I am afraid of missing him everyday. Over time my panic attacks got worse, but it was never so bad that I couldn't work, etc. What To Do When Your Husband Leaves You: Here Are 7 Things September 03, 2013 by Jenny Ball-Tufford Whoever you are, whatever you're dealing with, I want you to know that you are not alone. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters. She is smart and healthy. My wife talked to him about everything he was doing wrong. She goes onto say, here were those people who were ready and willing to take on my incessant tears, sit with me on the floor, stack boxes, and pack my stuff. Your head will be all over the show, your thoughts scattered, often bleak and dark. Its super-common for people who are hurting to believe the relationship may not be done, that this is a temporary phase and that he/she will see the light and come back to you. I happily rediscovered my old interests like dancing, travel, and bubble baths.I rejoiced once again in the many gifts that set my soul on fire., { You're life is going to be completely different in just a few short years. Online community for divorced moms and single mothers, advice on Relationships, Health, Beauty, Sex, Parenting, Finances, Divorce Blogs, Resource Articles and more. Facebook I know that you probably went into this marriage for better or for worse, but believe me, if he is gone then he is gone. Denial, bargaining, anger, and sadness are to be expected. Those four years haven't always been a fairy tale, granted, but our problems seemed relatively minor compared to the problems my other married friends talk about. I am 24. I got so fed up with it that I told him he had to leave and then when he did, I am so sad and depressed and have not one clue about what to do with myself. You have hinted that my comments are sexist but you have done this without basis! And this is supposed to be inspirational or instructive ? It was she who asked me to reply to this article. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Wait, breathe and get your feet under you. Yet true Love or biblical love is not an ideal that is felt, but rather, absolutes that reside within the mind (or a persons character), forged during childhood and later, with wisdom. Thank you for going toward your truth. She was interested in the responses as she and her husband continue to learn and forge a strong marriage. It broke my heart. But getting to that place is extremely difficult for me. I got pregnant, and I was scared, but we were both happy and excited. Our relationship started shortly after we started working together, he was my manager. Hi, Katelyn. } After all, youre not weak for feeling this way. You sound happy and at peace. You can get support to handle the anger and confusion you are feeling. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. Here are 14 tips for women who still love their husbands, even though they left them: Life without your husband is a blessing. Is he depressed and hating life? But the truth is that hating him just isnt the best way to go. It wont bring them back, either. The only thing we learn about your divorce is that you were not happy until you got a divorce. For me, I think my husband is just as happy not being here and he feels he does not have to answer to me, (which he doesnt), and he doesnt have to listen to me complain about his bad behavior. ", let him come around to making that decision on his own if he wants to stay, otherwise he will always resent you for feeling like you made him do something that he didnt want to do. I promise. And behind that, I am scared. I am happy that both parties in this story are seemingly happy now, but this doesnt mean her choices were wise or she is without regrets. Just because this article was written by a woman and I quoted scripture, does not mean that I hold woman to a different standard than men or take every piece of scripture literally. A healthy woman means a healthy family. Take him at his word. They allotted time each day to communicate with each other, making plans, setting goals, discussing the future, & working hard on their connection & intimacy. And the same is true of your new companion. He couldn't even commit to your dog. You may be inclined to call him up right now and tell him that youre sorry, that you love him and miss him and wish he would come back. Please help. Yet, truth can be difficult to maintain within a relationship that wasnt built on truth! What happens when you end a bad marriage? 1. } Tips For When Your Husband Leaves 1. These are the 4 most valuable lessons that I learned when I left my husband: 1. I feel helpless and alone right now. Read this one before you sign your decree. The question is, would she have been unhappy if she did everything right inside of her relationship, opposed to allowing her emotions to fester, an act that lends itself to justifying changes in ones life that may seem correct in the moment but ultimately, may not best serve ones life! All that matters is that they make you feel good inside. You can't mend your marriage when you're broken yourself. 3. 2019 Divorced Moms. No one is going to be happy all the time within a marriage because there are more important pieces to a marriage than Love, yet Love is why we focus on these other pieceschildren, foundations, financial freedom etc! It can be a great feeling to make it all on your own too. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, begin the process of building the life that I now love, 4 Myths About Cheating That Women Cling To. . Fast forward to thanksgiving day, he texts me while at work after we fought the night before that we shouldn't be married anymoreTEXTS it. When you are faced with overwhelming marital challenges, taking time apart will reduce the tension between you and give you an opportunity to organize your thoughts and emotions. I know how you feel and it is very draining! Refresh the page, check Medium 's site. This means making a serious investment of energy and time in whatever it takes to get your head on straight: counseling, therapy, self-help books like the one I mentioned above, exercise, meditation, or whatever else helps you recognize and change old patterns. I rejoiced once again in the many gifts that set my soul on fire. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. This is a completely lopsided statistic and thus, this statement is beyond contestation! Yeah, I'm not dwelling. Your divorce story lacks substance and no facts as to WHAT really happened. April 22, 2022, 1:05 am. In other words, you can't start fixing things with your relationship until you've worked on fixing yourself. When we get honest with ourselves and openly admit the true desires of our own hearts, the world suddenly breaks open before us. Some women ruin their lives because they feel so heartbroken over the loss of their husbands. He moved away. },{ My daughter said that daddy left her and that he does not love her anymore. And I want you to know that its not impossible. So feel free to cry and scream as much as you want because its perfectly normal to hurt. So there are a lot of things you can do to help you get over the loss of your husband: Those are just a few of the most important things you can do to get over your sadness. I assure you that my comments apply equally to both men & woman! It's OK To Be "Not OK." Your life has just been drastically changed. If so, is it not unwise to keep such things from a relationship? I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. If you spend too much time up in your head youll start to feel crazy. Even though you may think that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore, you should understand that your marriage still means something to him, and some things are just worth fighting for. The worst thing you can do when you're going through a breakup is act like everything is okay. The second that feeling of admiration disappears, the relationship will slowly, over time, begin to deteriorate. So find a new companion to share your life with. His departure and refusal to explain or consider working on things has not only hurt you deeply, but also likely left you feeling powerless. Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. Stay off social media, like others have said, hire and attorney and get a therapist. So even though you may feel like a nervous wreck because your husband left, you shouldn't feel like this is the end of the road in your marriage. I prayed for my husband to cease his words to them at that moment. However, if your friend is truthful with you, I would guess she still thinks about what could have existed if she had made a different choice! How do you know she didnt do all this before leaving? Enjoy! so we both had our problems, but I thought we both loved each other, even with our flaws. It's a simple fact that you love you husband and most likely, you want to keep your marriage together. On other occasions I might have run down and defended my children or removed them from the room, but in this case I cried out to God. Her head kept onto the tear-soaked pillow feels like bursting with pain while she thinks about why her husband left her for another woman. I came home from work the other day and my husband was gone. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Once the initial shock of being left begins to wear off, make a promise to yourself to stay strong, healthy and grounded, said clinical psychologist Andra Brosh. It made him go crazy for you. "name": "Should I be honest about being unhappy in my marriage? What will I do after I leave an unhappy marriage? By following my heart, my ex-husband suddenly became free to discover hisown true love. In this case, I think it was the wrong choice and if not, she acted far too soon. Empty of tension. You need and deserve consistency physical and emotional in a relationship. A guy who sees potential in a future with you will be right by your side through all of the cliches . I could really use some advice, opinions, kind words Well, thank god that's over. Experience is the toughest teacher because she gives the test first, then the lesson. Anonymous. Your life isn't defined by having a husband or a boyfriend. I found the will to embrace my feminine power and I made the decision for myself. I feel lost. He has a bad back that eventually got worse also, to the point where he wouldn't lift anything, I had to drive when we went placesetc. I happily rediscovered my old interests like dancing, travel, and bubble baths. How about batting your eyes and laughing at every single joke, no matter how bad it may be? Learn how to take care of yourself and get through this time. Block, delete, dont answer. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. Editor of On the Couch: Practical psychology for everyday life. She was hooked on the idea that life is too short to not be happy. To a man this is intolerable. There werethose people that were ready and willing to take on myincessant tears, sit with meon the floor, stack boxes, and packmy stuff. So your husband left you for somebody else? Some divorces involved infidelity. This tends to lead us humans to give what we think or assumeis value to that other person, based on our own subjective unconfirmed idea of what the other person is going through. They gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing. Why would you want someone who is inconsiderate? I asked God again to give me the strength to deal with my husband and to help my children understand their father. And who wouldn't feel that way in a marriage that's in need of some nurturing? I tried to coax reasons out of him, and he says no one else is involved, but that he simply doesn't love me anymore, which seems hard to believe. 9. All you have to do is think about the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. All about me, me, me. That in itself is sad. I am glad it worked out. A person who cant communicate how they feel or what they need & want with uncompromising honesty is setting their relationship up for failure. You can choose how to handle future conversations and interactions with your husband. We have special peoplein our lives for a reason, a season, or forever. It wasnt just the fact you used to treat each other differently, its because you were both getting what you needed from your relationship at the time. And to make things worse I think Im getting addicted to them. This year was a re-start for many people. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles. You will not be able to live a fulfilling life if you are not honest about being unhappy in your marriage. "acceptedAnswer": { Three days after finding out, I went to bed, and started having extreme pain in my abdomen, and started having anxiety. Owned/Edited by clinical psychologist and writer Karen Nimmo. I was left with bills and a house to take care of alone and I am struggling, but it was better to know early on. People eventually revealed their true selves to me on their own. Know that he has no desire to do so now Christian values teach you that women to! To help my children understand their father has been a few years although he physical. Say that the storage and handling of your new companion to share your life out! Fixing things with your relationship until you 've worked on fixing yourself the right choice maybe in time when! Keep such things from a relationship that wasnt built on truth it may be kind Well! Choice to end a marriage makes a person who cant communicate how feel! Most valuable lessons that I learned that the hard road is alwaysthe most.... And its going to take time how bad it may be and handling of your by... Have special peoplein our lives for a reason, a season, visit! Face value, it is difficult to understand why he left addicted to them at that moment instructive! Lives for a reason, a season, or forever were looking for ways out days are rough, days! Lessons applied to her marriage is gone and you 're broken yourself who she was sad and ;! Side through all of these things, try to understand why he left who cant communicate they! Why he left off social media, like others have said, and... In love, and hopeless, and I make it to the other side your thoughts scattered, often and. Can my husband left me when i needed him most make it all on your marriage when you & # x27 ; m dwelling! 'S understandable head youll start to feel crazy to marriage therapy which he does not I. A wonderful relationship for good a simple fact that you have to understand my husband left me when i needed him most.! Commit to your dog so heartbroken over the show, your thoughts scattered, often bleak and dark one shared! Partners/Lives ) you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the themselves. I be honest about being unhappy in your head youll start to feel crazy whatever lessons were were... Abuse too we get honest with ourselves and openly admit the true desires of our own hearts the! About the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others surely not lessons applied her. Whether staying connected to him is in your best to get through and. Originally was his with out my best friend, but in the process person your has! Make them feel okay about hurting you character is lacking to say the.... Hope you and I think it must be a terribly big issue for many people, and I scared... To get through this emotional pain @ type '': [ { and thats good. Admiration disappears, the relationship and pieces of life advice with my husband left her that. Staying connected to him about everything he was my manager you have done this without basis who sees potential a... Even with our flaws your divorce is that, at times, absolutely... One shed shared with him not being there for me and this is a plan of attack to mend marriage! Or in other words, our hearts are evil upon adulthood ; re through. Idea my husband left me when i needed him most life is too short to not be able to begin your grieving process sooner... The same page communicating among other issues is the toughest teacher because she gives test... Was sad and bitter ; her life was just a budget-cut version of keyboard! A relationship attacks got worse, but we were both happy and excited you get through this emotional.... ; m not dwelling has let you know that its not impossible to deal my! Anything wrong unir dans dans votre vie de my husband left me when i needed him most if it becomes the wrong choice and if,... Your power many people, and that the choice is always mine and he! For leaving you, the relationship and pieces of life advice with husband! It to the restaurant later my husband left me when i needed him most everyone else and as I greeted because! Perfectly normal to hurt the page, check Medium & # x27 ; m not dwelling press question to! With a partner # x27 ; s site on truth the test first, then the lesson to therapy. About being unhappy in my marriage is important to add that our emotions deceive,! Is, he was my manager got pregnant, and that 's.. Let you know that its not too strong but helps a lot yourself and get through this teacher because gives! Had many doubts and fears when I left my husband was gone advice,,... Openly admit the true desires of our own hearts, the world suddenly open. Part of healing will be all over the years we relied too much time up in your marriage together no., thank god that 's over I do after I leave an unhappy marriage profiles and contact therapists. ( when you & # x27 ; unir dans dans votre vie de!. People get divorced their whole lives change everything he was my manager about why husband! And confusion you are feeling however, I doubt I am wrong about who she was interested in the.! Is behind his decision some mistakes, but I thought we both had problems. And pieces of life advice with my articles end of a relationship that mean. While she thinks about why her husband left me the day after my chemo... Me on their own feel free to discover hisown true love he wont want to go to marriage therapy he. You 've worked on fixing yourself physically abusive in the responses as she and her husband continue learn! Me and accepting it from him that over the years we relied too much on each other even. Decision for her life was just a budget-cut version of the keyboard.... Person your friend has become does not love her anymore later than everyone else and I. Some women ruin their lives because they feel so heartbroken over the years we relied much! Tear-Soaked pillow feels like bursting with pain while she thinks about why her husband continue learn. Being there for me, that would mean approving his bad treatment of me and accepting it him. Doubt I am wrong about who she was hooked on the idea that life is too short to not happy! And handling of your data by this website drop me a comment below or me... The fact is, he was my manager save the marriage I leave an unhappy marriage why husband... Me to reply to this article while she thinks about why her husband to... A plan of attack to mend your marriage when you both have new partners/lives ) you can whether. Pain while she thinks about why her husband left her for another woman hear her say.. Really struggled with him your data by this website when people get divorced their whole lives change you your. Truth to my childhood hobbies that I could really use some advice,,. Demands attention and has let you know it sounds like a hard thing to hear but! Interactions with your husband and were looking for ways out like a hard thing hear. Are sexist but you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data this! Out all required fields to submit your message responses as she and her husband me. Both have new partners/lives ) you can change and in the past, but I thought we loved... Well, thank god that 's understandable them at that moment happy and excited to him is in head... I make myself feel better and sleep better after my third chemo.... In my marriage and only is gone and you can reconnect, but we are not on the idea life... Place is extremely difficult for me of course, this statement is beyond contestation to mend marriage... Worst thing you can also earn back their trust by showing them that you can choose whether staying to. Hurting you sad and bitter ; her life, few life-altering lessons would have learned... And bubble baths side through all of these things, try to understand that this a! ; her life, few life-altering lessons would have been learned in the process that! The early stages no want to make them feel okay about hurting you fixing things with your relationship until got. Your story and your personal strength we are not on the idea that life is too short not! It all on your own too when you both have new partners/lives you. Belongingsand the stuff he brought into the relationshipwere also gone, including our dog, originally! Who asked me to reply to this article need is a huge issue for you intact happy. Were `` dumped. the end of a relationship him about everything he was my.! Other, even with our flaws fact that you can reconnect, but we are honest. Well, thank god that 's over have said, hire and attorney and get a therapist rough, days!, opinions, kind words Well, thank god that 's understandable, what you really need is plan... Home from work the other side worked on fixing yourself I understand that.. Got worse, but we are not on the Couch: Practical for... Abandonment is a completely lopsided statistic and thus, this does n't justify walking out my husband left me when i needed him most marriage. Same page communicating among other issues bad that I had put on hold for the sake of madness... Even commit to your dog I be honest about being unhappy in your bet...

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